Sunday, February 12, 2012

belated revelations!

The people in your life will drive you mad. Those you love, and those you don't.

You can get preachy/dreamy. Something along the lines of "… and along the way so many people drift away, so many get immersed in their different lives. You just have to be aware of that, and hold those dear to your heart close and just disregard the rest." 

You can get angry,"… and if they never appreciate you, and if they're too blind/self-absorbed/limited then well, fuck them and they can have a fucking wonderful life away the fuck from me. Fucking bastards."

You can get wounded and self-pitying,"… but I tried to be there for them, and yet they weren't anything more than a sorry bunch of condescending ungrateful, belittling judgmental senile bunch!."

My usual mix is a lot of anger and a hearty dose of the self-pity. And yet the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. No, I'm a little grown up and a little wiser and I've decided to just get real.

Yes, people do grow apart and different. No, it's never an excuse to neglect your friends. Yes, some people are self-absorbed by nature. No, that’s not an excuse to be dismissive towards the people you love. Yes, you are likely screwing someone without even realizing it. No,  it's not the end of the world, you can make it better (well, sometimes anyway). Yes, you may feel like self-righteous perfection at times. No, you're probably not. Yes, it may feel like everything/one is scattered. No, they're probably not.

People are different and you will never please everyone. Not everyone you love will love you back just as much. And yet, it will all come back to you, the good and the bad, somehow sometime. Karma. Yes, that  I'm sure of.

So how do you get out of that confusing, confusing place *eye roll*? Acceptance.

Accept that well, you can't force friendships. Or love. Or good into a sick heart or mind. People will not dramatically change. You will not dramatically change. And you are probably everything you think you are, even if someone occasionally judges you for what you are not.

Accept that karma works in mysterious ways, and that all the good/bad you do will eventually be unleashed onto you too. You will always get what you deserve. Accept that the good that you do will never be returned to you in the exact same way. No matter how hard you demand it is and stamp your feet. Accept that it will surely come back to you, but in different ways than you might expect.

Accept that you will probably never be appreciated when you think appreciation is due. Maybe it's because the other side's blind, maybe it's because you don't really deserve it. Accept how humbling that is.

Accept that your life will shuffle and re-arrange itself every once in a while. Accept the people gone, the re-assigned  roles, accept new. Accept the change.

And with that acceptance, you grow up a little bit. And you take comfort knowing that everything will happen at its own pace, and everyone is probably right where they belong.You just need to pay attention.

You learn to just the things you think are right, and love the people you love and to just.. be. The rest will fall into place.

You are wonderful. and terrible. And everything in between.
You are you.

                   everything will be fine

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