Wednesday, January 29, 2014

the curled ball in the corner

Sometimes it takes you a while to understand yourself, to decipher the code. To understand for example, that you are extremely sensitive to change, way more than your average person. To understand that your mood swings are not the end of the world, and that it takes work and practice to navigate them, that it might be hard work but not entirely impossible.  

Growing up is hard, it’s about choices. And picking up yourself when your choices fail you. When you fail you. It’s about making up your mind and deciding. It’s about learning your own controls.

Sometimes you wake up and the world has ganged up on you, and there is not a shred of comfort to be found anywhere, not even within the safe havens of your mind. Sometimes, you will turn to the person closest to your heart for comfort. Most times, you won’t find it. The problem with people who feel too much is their un-quenchable thirst for sincerity is often misleading. You will never touch the other side so long as you keep your glass doors and expectations up so high. Don’t be genuine, be human. Don’t be perfect, be the somebody they need you to be. Then disappear. No one will notice anyway.

Stop feeling. Stop feeling everything tug at your soul. Stop feeling under your skin. Learn the wonders of superficiality. Learn not to care. This is urgent: learn not to care. Stop breaking your own heart. Fool.

I am on the brink of completely losing interest in the world.